2:02 p.m. - Monday, Apr. 26, 2004
not much of anything, actually
Yeah, so, no matches from the dating event last week. I figure I shouldn't waste the energy being disappointed and instead direct it where it will do more good: into man-hating in general.
I am being sarcastic of course. Well, mostly sarcastic anyway.
I just wish I could not care about this, you know? Just keep on with the 101 other things going on in my life, and not feel like time is slipping through my fingers. To not worry anymore about never getting married, and never having sex again, and being the scary cat lady I used to joke about being. I want to not think that maybe I should have settled before now, and because I didn't, I've missed my shot.
(and don't even bother going to my guestbook and telling me I'm young and I shouldn't worry. Rationally, I know I'm young. Rationally, I know I shouldn't worry. But I am not rational about this and I don't know how to change that.)
Why did this have to get so fucking hard?
Other than my continuous misery when it comes to men and dating, there really isn't much going on around here.
I had a lazy weekend, and god, I needed that. This week looks like it'll be sort of slow - the folks are away until Wednesday night, and then they're on vacation the rest of the week to get some work done around the house, so I'm doing my best to assure I will be home for as little of that as possible. I'm probably going out on Friday night with an old friend I haven't seen in a couple of years. Saturday, I get to spend the day at home with my mother cooking and baking and such, since we're having a few people over on Saturday night.
Although I'm grateful for the less-hectic schedule, I wonder if the doing-very-little thing is the best thing for me right now. I really don't want to be all brood-y and depressed, and usually the only way I can avoid that is by keeping really busy.
Damn, I just don't know what to say anymore.
I should have written here Friday when I was still feeling optimistic. Now I'm not really feeling much of anything, and god, is that dull, huh?
