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2:22 p.m. - Tuesday, Apr. 27, 2004
totally ranting
Well, I'm really not sure what I'm going to write about today.

You see, normally, I'd be writing about boys and personal ads. Partially because it's what's on my mind a fair amount of the time, but mostly because it's the only vaguely interesting aspect of my life right now.

But since yesterday I was told that I should get professional help with my man issues, I just don't feel comfortable talking about that now. And I'm still angry. I know I have "man issues" but I also know that it's mainly because settling down and getting married is the only personal goal I have that is not completely within my control. It's the only thing I cannot accomplish alone.

But overall, I don't think I'm a completely miserable person. I tend to overload my plate, so I get stressed out. Even though I don't always have time, I haven't forgotten how to have fun. I have friends. I have a great relationship with my family. Basically, and overall, I like my life, but I don't think it's abnormal to have a few things I would like to change about it.

And I know sometimes I sound like a broken record when it comes to boys (and it always seems to come back to being about boys, doesn't it?), but it's because dating and (hopefully) finding someone to share my life with is my biggest challenge right now.

You see, I'm currently getting the education I need to make a career change (and in the meantime, pull in some extra money to support my regular job). Avon sales are improving, and I'm starting to really have fun with it. I can totally see the light at the end of the tunnel as far as my money concerns are ... well, concerned.

I have myself on a regular sleep schedule, I'm taking vitamins, I'm eating better, I'm losing weight, and I'm actually finally getting some exercise. The result of all those things is that I have more energy than I have in a long time. I have less aches and pains. Even my stomach seems to like me better lately.

I'm getting in touch with old friends, trying to catch up with them and remember why we were friends in the first place. I'm pushing myself to go out more, and I'm finding that, overall, I pretty much like it. I have plans for both Friday and Saturday night this week, and plans for Saturday for next weekend.

I have my quirks and my foibles, and I maybe spend a little too much time alone, but I feel like, overall, I have my shit more together than I probably ever have.

I really don't fucking think I need to spend money I don't have and time I don't really want to waste seeing a psychiatrist because I want to meet a guy that I like, and who also likes me. I don't think it's unhealthy to get frustrated and bitch sometimes. It doesn't mean that I'm going to stop working for what I want.

And the bottom line is this: dating is hard work. It's often frustrating, or worse, heartbreaking. Yeah, I wish it were easier. I make way too many jokes about ordering a mail-order husband. But like everything else in life, I know that if I'm willing to put in the time and effort I will eventually get what I want.

But if a girl can't complain in her own diary, where can she complain? I mean, really?

I guess I answered the question of what to write about, huh?

 

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